Indian Marriage system has failed young women in many ways, especially in joint families. It is not based on the convenience of the woman, but the man and his family. A single young woman has to adapt, adjust, understand, not react, be cordial, be respectful and loving and serving and obedient and follow rules and traditions of the house. In addition she also has to tolerate the tantrums, mood swings, taunts, rejection, judgement and evaluations of her new IN LAWS on how good a BAHU she is.
No one has stopped these exploitative traditions. But the younger generation of Women now has started asking for nuclear family after marriage, they are brave and assertive enough to express the right for their SPACE. These young women are labelled as Rude, proud , cruel and responsible for separating the beloved son from his family.
Many times the neglect is very subtle, In Laws never ask the Daughter in Law, "Do you feel like visiting your parents?you must be missing them, its been quite some time." Ohhh No,she has to ask them can I go and stay at my parents house, and that also for a very few days at the dread of upsetting them. In Laws would go on and on and on about cute stories of their son and daughter, about how cute they were when small, how intelligent they were BUT they don't even think for a minute that the girl who is sitting in front of them was also once with her parents and she also has stories to tell, but no one ever asks, " my child tell us some stories about your childhood?"
She is rarely or never asked, what's your favourite dish? lets make that today, she is not asked are you okay?do you need rest? These are subtle neglecting behaviours and don't even ask me about loud and more aggressive oppression.
But these women know their rights as an individual and those rights are
1. To practice their personal way of living in every day life
2. To practice their food habits and routine of leisure and work.
3. To sleep as much as they want, to have no cooking days,
4. To Invite their friends home and have a uncensored, fun and wild time
5. To just be.
6. To focus and dedicate time on her career without the pressure of finishing household chores.
This helps to maintain cordial relationships with In Laws. Keeps the balance and peace in these relationships.
Also allows the Man to grow out of his regressed behaviours and dynamics with his own parents.